No Motivation and Bad Kisses

Ugh, I just have had no motivation? Is it because I don't feel like I have enough to do? Is it because I feel like, well I don't know. I need something to revitalize me.

I've been having bad dreams lately. Im not gonna go into them. I just have. I don't feel rested. I haven't seen J in a few weeks and that may be bringing me down. But at the same time I am a lot stronger than I used to be and being on my own doesn't bother me the way it used to.

Anyway. I was listening to my favorite station this morning (talk radio, I don't particularly like it as far as music goes, but the morning show rocks), and they were talking about bad kissing. OH MAN. Yea. I was thinking about it. I think we have all had our fair share. It was funny, someone was talking about how she called a guy the lizard and this guy I kind of dated was kinda like that, but instead of in and out like a lizard it was more like the "no no no" finger.

Take your finger and swish it back and forth as if you were wiggling it "no" at a child. Now do it as fast as you can. Now multiply that by two. Imagine a little spit and no originality. That was my ex. I always figured it would get better but it never did. The first time he kissed me I think I was in the mind-frame of WTF? I guess it did get a LITTLE better because I kinda liked him (well I did continue seeing him for a few months).

He wasn't good in bed either come to think of it. (See B, you aren't the only bitch...). Two pump chump comes to mind. Unless it was round two, and then it didn't end and then I'd think something was wrong with me, and he would sort of blame it on me, saying I didn't give him enough time inbetween rounds. That was when we even got to round two. Seriously, what right minded male only wants to pump twice and go to bed. Not that he was so big that it was mind-blowing, or that he compensated with amazing bed wrestling techniques. It was totally all about him when it came to actual sex. Oh, in the beginning there was some attention to detail, but toward the end, pump pump sleep. Oh and no more sleepovers.

It deteriorated rather quickly. It was sad. And don't you hate when guys make you feel like it was you. Of course slight revenge was had. Not purposely. And not intentionally. But he called a few months later to catch up and it was nice to actually see what was going on, but it was also nice to be able to admit that ending the relationship was the best thign for me, that it brought me back to J. D never wnated to meet my parents, even after 4 months. J is after 2.

I dont know why I am writing about all of this. But there are so massive differences between the two guys. J pays attention and my contentness is pretty important to him. He pays attention to every little detail (in and out of bed). When we bicker, he doesn't make me feel like the bad guy, we work everything out. (one of D's biggest downfalls, it was always my fault... I wasn't allowed to have feelings, shit, I even felt bad for liking him!!!). I don't doubt him (well I have my insecurities but that's my own past and issues, doesn't come from him). Not to mention, great kisser... although gotta break this ONE habit he has... oy. I guess you could say J is the opposite of D in every aspect, including personality. D blew dry his hair. Id scream homo from the living room. J, well hes as manly as they get. rough country boy. yum. D had more product on his bathroom sink than i even own.

OK im really just writing because I am bored and lonely right now. I really should get to work. Or something. ugh.