Homeless, Target and Getting Home Late, a Bad Mood can Make

Well, OK not a bad mood, and I did something theraputic to make myself feel a lot better. But well, we'll get to that in a minute.

I do feel bad. Again. In a minute.

First, I am apartment hunting and I can't afford anything more than a cardboard box. Shit - I can't even afford a cardboard box with a view. When I say cardboard box, I'm kinda being literal. Bums have more of a budget than I do. I make nothing. I mean, I have a job, a salary - I SORT OF have benefits, not good ones, and I haven't opted for them yet, but I have the option - but it isn't a lot to live off of.

I'm doing a pretty decent job saving. I mean really decent job saving. Im saving more than what I will wind up using as living expenses -I hope. People who have the honor of actually knowing my finances have told me they are amazed at what I am able to put aside (I'm living for free right now sooo), so yea, on one hand, I have lee-way. But the truth is, sometimes I need to tap into the savings to get through till the next paycheck. I try not to, but there are those times. And then, who wants to LITERALLY live paycheck to paycheck. I want to continue to save when I move out. What happens when my dog needs to get a shot, or I wanna buy a present for someone - or I need a new shirt.. whatever the expense is. I don't want to live on what I live on every two weeks. It's fine for average living expenses, but well, it's not really the best idea. So I need to find something affordable. They say not to spend more than 1/3 on your rent. HAHAHAHAHA. I won't say where I live but its a popular metropolitan area. It's also an area that is being hit with the realty crash pretty heavy, so rent prices are soaring. sigh. My cap is $XXX, has to be dog friendly for a 50lb dog (I can get away with 40lb i think), safe neighborhood (there aren't too many in my price range) and well, chances are, im not gonna get anything much bigger than 440-550 square feet. I wasn't lying when I said a cardboard box.

The thing is, if I were able to find an apartment for 450 sq feet, xxx or less, that allowed my dog, in the general area that is safe for me to walk my nemo alone at night... well, id move in January, no questions asked, no complaints about anything. I dont care too much about anything aside from those specifications. I showed a friend a few options, she was a bit shocked at the quality of apartments I am looking at but that's life where I live. It's really all location location location. I'll tell you, to find a one bedroom instead of a studio too? OH man, I'd wet myself.

I even just had my mom's friend tell me there was a place, 15 blocks north of where I wanted (general area, good stuff), 50 more than I wanted to pay for rent BUT IT INCLUDES EVERYTHING. I mean seriously. I could keep saving.. I could live happily. Man. Frustrating. There just is NOTHING. OUT.THERE. My cousin wants me to live with the one lady who apparently is rarely at her place, and I'd have my own entrance, good price, but yea, Im skeptical about living with strangers. Especially when they aren't my age. And the few potential roommates that I DO KNOW, well I keep hearing from family that its a bad idea. And I think they would know. Cause it's their friends kids lol. UGH. I hate apartment hunting. Im gonna look at craigs list after I finish this.

NEXT. Target DOESNT HAVE HANUKKAH STUFF. I mean HOW horrible is that. Don't get me wrong. I AM OBSESSSSSED with Christmas. I love it. I have a tree at work, Im begging J to get his tree before I drive up next weekend so I can help trim it, and I am in charge of decorating my office. BUT that also means get Hanukkah stuff for the office because a lot of us are Jewish (I am more Jewish in the sense of culture and heritage, not religious... anyone who knows me knows this). BUT I am still insulted that there were 6 Isles for Xmas and not one isle for hanukkah. I mean they had one of those side pannels that they use to display a special. but not even half an aisle. It really upset me. Not because of religious but it's just rude. Especially for those out there that DO celebrate the holiday and it just showed me how close minded corporations are and how they will completely dismiss a holiday. And really - America is either the first or second (I don't know if its us or Israel) largest Jewish population, and when there is a christian holiday competing, the Jewish one is completely side-winded. I will be writing to Target. It may not do anything, but I'll feel like I did my part. Maybe they sold out, cause hanukkah started a few nights ago. But I mean, keep stocked, gimme candles, gelt, dreidls I dunno. Good thing I love christmas. On the other hand, maybe I just needed something to be mad about today. I was tired and running around all day at that point and was just over it all.

Sadly I was cranky with J. And I miss him so well, I kinda took that out on him sorta. It's been a month. And even longer since we well, use your imagination. Last time I saw him I got the flu, time before that it was my "Lunar" time.
He hung up, I guess because I was uptight and he was trying to do other stuff while we were talking, said he would call me back later - yea, hasn't happened. Woops. I feel kinda bad. But gotta give him his space. It's probably what he's doing for me. He'll call when he wants. Just wish that was.... rightnow. OK Funny enough, the reason this wasn't posted last night was as I hit the period. My phone rang. I was able to apologize. Nice. What a lucky girl I am.

But did my own therapy last night. Aside from writing in the blog. Which has become a therapy in it's own. I made a couple of pasta doughs. Two actually. I'll try and post that picture later today. But it's fun and it takes muscle to make so you really get a lot of aggression out. I actually suggest making pasta for anyone that hasn't tried it before. I will post directions later along with a picture.