What is it with kids? Or am I that evil?

I feel a bit justified to post right now. BTW I think I post multiple times because Ill probably start slagging off and there will be months I won't post and then days where I won't stop posting. I have no consistency. That's me. At least in some aspects. And as you can tell, I run on tangents. OK topic at hand.

Children. Im young to mid 20s. I guess ill officially be mid 20s in a few months. No this does not scare me. I don't really care about age, although Im told I will when I get closer to thirty and then I have that first breakdown. Anyway. Maternal clock just isn't ticking. Sure babies are cute. I like holding them and cooing and all that. I think baby stuff is cute and am down for buying gifties for friends kids. I've been to one baby shower and I have my first wedding in Jan that I am absolutely giddy over and I am a maid of honor for another next December that I can't wait for. But when it comes to my own, or dealing with REAL children.. well, I just can't. I have dog. Good enough for me.

Point number one: I do not get excited when J tries to put his 4 year old cousin on the phone. I am actually kind of relieved the conversations have not happened yet because she is shy. Im sure she is adorable and I would be totally ok with a face to face thing... as long as he is with me... (see Point 2)... But yea, convo..
Me: Hey
her: hiiii
me: whats up
her: hiiii
me: uh yea, are you having fun
her: mmmmmmm yea
me: ok, put your cousin on
her: i got a fish (has a VERY thick accent)
me: thats great, lemme talk t j
her: its big
me: terrific
her:
me: what?
her:
me: please put j back on
her:
me: PUT YOUR EFFING UNCLE OR WHATEVER HE IS BACK ON

it would continue like that. i'd loose my patience. J would hate me. We'd break up. not good. ok not that dramatic. but ya know. id have to sit on the phone. eh. he wants me to hear her accent. he knows how i am with the kinders. i think hed save me. but. i've spoken with the little ones on the phone. they either don't shut up. don't say a word. or well, they just say hi over and over and over. and well. it takes patience i dont have yet.

point 2: the little boy at hardy's. The fact that i was at hardy's should probably tell you that i was hungry and cranky. i dont eat fast food. it was early. they dont have starbucks where he lives. seriously. no starbucks. its weird. and he doesnt drink coffee so i mean, i was sort of dying. so we were getting breakfast because the ONE OTHER restaurant was too full. and he gets worse than me when hungry. so yea - this kid, probably 4 or 5 is on his way to soccer and starts talking to me and shoves this really gross looking stuffed animal in my hands. i cant be a bitch bc his grandma or mom is right there and j is there and well i wasn't in that bad of a mood. but I CANT UNDERSTAND A WORD HE IS SAYING. horrible. even J couldnt understand. I put up with it for all of... 5 minutes... and then literally shoved J in front of me and hid. I just.. couldn't.

In my defense, I babysit my dad's friends grandaughter. she is cute. Im really good at it. she loves me. but we have stuff to do. ill chase her for a bit. tickle her for 5 minutes, color for an hour and then i shove a movie in and she doesnt move until they get home or bedtime. plus i get paid. man. im going to hell.

lastly, i hate listening to parents talk about their young kids. kids in their teens or college age thats fine. they are little people then not kids. even in middle school or elem because then they are just idiots and i can laugh at them. but the clucker.. kept going on and on about how her triplets are writing their name now. and how - ohhh no! - they have homework on wednesdays and NOW they are going to have homework TWICE A WEEK.. i could HONESTLY give TWO shits. bitch, i used to write thousands of words and hundreds of pages a month. there were weeks where writing a hundred pages wasn't out of the question. 5 classes, 20-30 pages a class for a midterm or something? eh, it was life. to have to make sure a kid writes their name 5 times... just doesnt seem that big of a deal. i could be wrong. i dont have kids. but... yo, either way, it doesn't get my heart pumping or interest me.

am i doomed to be a bad mother? I've always figured that it would click in one day. or maybe its just because it isnt my child. or maybe im jsut not meant to have them. i want them but who knows. im great with my dogs and can be RIDICULOUSLY maternal when the need arises. maybe ill just be the fun one who brings them to the parks and brings candy and ill have to find a guy who will do the mom thing. thank god j is really paternal and obsessed with kids.

but really, am i screwed guys? am i that big of a bitch? should i start checking for horns under my hair?